No one seems to understand how hard it is to have to fight with your brain on a daily basis. My brain: the vital organ that controls my whole body, for some reason likes to make it so I find it hard to get out of bed some days, to talk to people and to order my food.
It feels like in my head, there are little wars going on about everything. When I leave the little wars to sort themselves out with no intevention, like talking, they merge into one big war and the problem multiplies. Its a world war now, all in my brain. A world war of dark thoughts, worries and embarrassments, which bounce off each other and intensify by every bounce. They're fighting against each other to cause the most disruption. The most worried about worry. The most embarrassing embarrassment. The darkest of dark thoughts. The problem that has caused the hardest days, the most tears, the most sleepless nights, shaking, screams, bruises and scars and most of all, pain. Once the war is over I can breathe a sigh of relief- peace is restored yet the space around it is somewhat destroyed, its like a rainbow after a rainstorm.
Is my head like a thunder and lightening storm? Two thoughts fighting each other, arguing back and forth, like thunder and lightening, fighting to be the most powerful. People watch from a great distance away, the comfort of their own homes, in their own peaceful minds whilst they can most likely see that I am battling the darkest and loudest of storms. Darkness and then a flash: a new anxiety stemmed from the already existing- does it ever stop? The storm will finally die down after causing major disruption. Entertainment for those who only care for entertainment, to watch others at their lows. Hardship for those who feel they can only watch from the sideline, helpless. One storm goes, another starts, unpredictable weather like the thoughts and feelings in my head- an endless cycle of dark storms it seems, with only a slight chance of a clear sky and sunshine.