Sunday, 21 May 2017

Classroom Thoughts

*Context: this is something that I wrote when I was frustrated about teachers picking on me in lesson to answer questions or to read without considering how I felt or trying to understand how my head works, despite knowing briefly what is going on with me.*

56 minutes left until I can escape these four walls.
Anxiety seems to bounce from every single one of them, getting worse as it rebounds.
My head feels like a bomb, I'm just waiting for it to explode, for the anxiety to flood out of me- its too much.
It's happened before, it'll happen again.
My legs are shaking without reason and I cant make them stop, is it a warning sign; to those who seem like strangers in this very busy room?
That I am on a very short timer, I am a bomb, and I am about to explode of anxiety.
My eyes always seem to wander- every direction but where they're supposed to be, avoiding eye contact at all costs.
Questions are asked and my face colours up, everything that was said goes straight over my head and yet again I dont know what is going on.
I am swallowed up by the racing thoughts in my head, irrational though they are, they seem very real to me.